"Son, I love you dearly and I enjoy having you visit, but if you ever steal from meagain you'll never be welcomed in this house again.
Is that clear?"Overcome with guilt and shame, the only response I could muster was a sobbing, nodding of my hanging head that shook an almost endless stream of tears from my eyes.
I was broken...
embarrassed...
and just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
Even though I was only eleven at that time, I knew I had messed up big-time, and I had no problem with showing it.
It seems like things have changed in today's society.
The same pride that caused me to think that I was too clever to get caught stealing is the same pride that causes many people to not want to show any regret, remorse or brokenness concerning their poor decisions.
To be totally honest many of our young people today aren't actually sorry that they did something wrong, they're just sorry that they got caught.
Some of them are so full of pride that they not only don't believe that they did anything wrong, but many of them would rather die than shed a tear about it.
They somehow believe that shedding a tear is a sign of weakness when exactly the opposite is true.
To be frank, I believe that some of the blame for these kinds of attitudes lies at the feet of many of us, parents.
We sometimes shy away front a confrontation with our young adults whether they are our students, extended family or even our own children.
And every time we do that we miss an opportunity to bring about the conviction of heart that is needed to produce the remorse that's vital for a change to happen.
I know first hand how difficult it is to confront a wayward child, and to demand that they shape up or ship out.
After all I am a proud father of five teenagers.
Enough said.
To be a tough parent it takes a certain amount of fortitude that obviously was plentiful in Grandma.
She looked me straight in my eye and pulled no punches while letting me know that our relationship was in jeopardy, and that if we were going to proceed any further, either my actions would change or my plans for the weekends would change.
But there was no question in my mind what was going to change.
Since Detroit has viciously defended its perennial title of murder capitol of the world, I don't need to spend much time explaining to you why I looked forward to a weekend in the country at Grandma's house.
It was so serene...
soscenic...
so...
survivable!Yep!Detroit is a great place to be from...
far from!Grandma let me know that her love for me was not just willing to provide a nice weekend getaway; but that same love was also willing to do what it took to help me learn how to treat people...
especially the ones I love.
It was Grandmas willingness confront me and draw the line in the stand that was the catalyst.
But it was my sense of remorse that caused me to change my behavior.
I loved grandma, and if she didn't know how much I loved her before, she found out that day.
I was already in an emotional free-fall and my ability to hold back the ugly cry had reached maximum capacity.
Grandma ended our talk with these words, "Son, I love you; of course I forgive you.
"That's when I got UGLY!I broke down like a 1985 Yugo.
I ran into grandmas arms and cried like never before.
That deep down, burning sensation that I felt was not indigestion; it was not reflux; nor was it gas.
It was remorse.
And that, my friend, is the first step toward becoming a new person.
Remorse is defined by dictionary.
com as "deep and painful regret for wrongdoing".
Many times we come in contact with people who have the amazing talent of doing wrong, but seem to be devoid of remorse.
Maybe its because they've never had someone who was willing to take a stance against their behavior.
Maybe no one had ever taken a stance in their lives and said to them, "either your actions change, or your circle of friends will diminish by one.
I love you, and I will miss you dearly; but I won't tolerate being treated that way.
" Grandma laid down the rules; she made sure that I understood them;and she left the results up to me.
That's what taking a stand looks like.
That's what invokes the remorse that's needed for change.
And that's what tough people do in tough times.
They DEMAND change.
So I speak to our youth who really want to make strides toward becoming a great person.
I have this advice for you.
When you've been caught doing something wrong, take my advice and simply be contrite and forthcoming about it; and for humanities sake...
show some remorse.
No remorse...
no recovery.