Before we start, I have a confession to make. You do indeed need a plan, if you are thinking to yourself, I want to get my ex girlfriend back. But step back for a moment and consider the larger picture. In my humble opinion, all you need is love, as the old Beatles song goes.

True love will guide you, warm your heart, make (and keep) you happy and on the right track. Happiness, in turn, comes from within you. You can choose to find happiness in your daily life, and in everything you do. Happiness, then, is the voyage, not the destination. 

That is the big picture. Right now you have the more pressing problem of finding the steps to take, to get your ex back. That is what we are going to talk about right now. Did your girl leave you for someone else? Someone who appears to be more sensitive and artistic, or more charismatic?  

Many men and women seem to be hopelessly attracted to confident, charismatic partners who are good or fast talkers, high energy, and active types. Do not despair or be jealous. Such traits often do not make for a good, long term relationship. Your chances of getting your girlfriend back are still really good. 

Your relationship with your ex is like a tea bag. You never know what you are going to get until you and your partner are in hot water. Only then will you see what you are made of. Are you ready to fight to get your woman back? Good! I have no tricks for you, nor should you use any. But I do have a plan. 

Step One: Take a good look at yourself in the mirror, and see what can be changed or improved. Get some new clothes and a new haircut that are more stylish, more in keeping with the times we live in. For example, if you were in the military, get rid of the crew cut. Read some books that your ex may have mentioned, or that are being reviewed in the newspapers these days.  

In fact, read newspapers and watch the news on TV regularly. Be able to carry on a conversation about current events in your country, as well as in your local community. You will thereby appear to others as alert, intelligent and up to date. 

Step Two: Get out of your house and participate in activities with friends. It is usually not a good idea to date others, while you are trying to get your ex back. However, you can be in the company of the opposite sex while attending a class, sports activity or other event. You can even flirt a little. You can actually go out on a "date" with one of your ex's girl friends. First make it clear to your date that you just want to talk and enjoy her company.  

Be a sensitive, thoughtful gentleman, well-dressed and well-mannered. Choose the outing or restaurant carefully. Be polite and attentive to her. At the end of the evening, drop her at home with a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. Tell her that you enjoyed her company. 

You can be sure that your date will be on the phone with your ex, literally within seconds, gushing over what a great guy you are. Yes, it will make your ex mad. But it will also plant the idea in her head that maybe the breakup was a mistake. This thought will go round and round in her mind and grate on her, like sand on your skin. She may even call you, to ask angrily what in blazes you think you are doing. Which brings us to… 

Step Three: That anger is the key. It means she still has feelings for you, like a glowing ember buried deep down among the ashes. Be calm and patient. Do not react to her anger. Instead, you must gently fan that little ember so that it erupts into flame. Suggest that you meet for coffee. Just to talk.  

That is your opening to discuss what happened to the two of you. Try to find solutions and compromises. If she seems interested in this process, put on your most sincere face and tell her clearly that you want her back. A woman wants to be desired and chased, so do not be shy. 

I mentioned the tea bag test above. Now show your lady how you handle the challenge of fixing your relationship. Be strong of character, honest and dependable. Explore your problems thoughtfully and above all, in a friendly manner. To reach solutions, you will have to compromise.  

You will not get everything you want, but neither will she. You will both get something much greater, and much more valuable: a renewed, loving relationship!