Breaking up sometimes seems like the best move, especially when you've been bickering almost constantly lately.
You might feel that you've simply fallen out of love or have reached a point of non-compatibility.
But then you break up and find there is a huge hole in your life.
With the absence of the one you once declared your love to, you start to remember all the things you loved about your ex.
You remember the talks you used to have, how you just fit together in social situations, how you were in sync in so many ways.
As you start to feel that the good far outweighed the bad, you might want to start considering how you can win your ex back.
The first thing you want to realize is that, at least at first, the burden on finding the good and correcting the bad will be placed mainly on you.
Before you get your hopes up too much, take a personal inventory.
What was the Root Cause of the Problems? Almost never was the problem itself the cause.
If it was infidelity, then maybe you failed to communicate your needs or meet those of your mate.
If it was money issues, perhaps you failed to sit together and discuss your views and personal history with money.
If it was neglect, then maybe you were too selfish.
Whatever it might have been, dig deep and come up with some possible solutions to present to your ex.
How Much are you Willing to Sacrifice to Make Your Relationship Work? At the beginning of the reconciliation period, you will likely be called on to be the most sacrificial in being understanding and compromising.
At the beginning, that might be easy.
However, once you win your mate back, you may be tempted to slip back into old habits and routines.
If you do that, then your mate will likely lose confidence and not trust that you will be worth the effort.
For the relationship to sustain, you must be willing to make sustainable changes.
Do not lose heart! As your relationship improves, you will be able to communicate with your mate what your needs are with better results.
Be honest about efforts that you are making that are not comfortable for you and ask for suggestions that would be acceptable.
A man or woman whose needs are being well met by their mate will typically reciprocate.
If your mate is simply a taker and not a giver, then you will need to evaluate if it is worth pursuing or if you should just cut your losses and hope for at least a friendship, if that's what you want.
Never forget that communication is the key to success in any relationship.
If you feel you might have problems in this area, especially if your ex has complained about it, ask other people who are close to you to be honest about their evaluation of your communication skills.
No matter what they say, Listen! Even if you can justify it, there will be some truth in it.
If your mate is not yet willing to get back together, then do not give up just yet.
Ask for permission to see each other socially and to keep in touch on a regular basis.
Explain that your goal is to reconcile, but you will understand if all you will get is a good friend.
Then make sure that you behave and respond only as a friend.
You may be tempted to get possessive or territorial or even forward in trying to kiss or embrace.
Your mate will not respect you if you cross lines without explicit invitation.