Have you recently been dumped by your girlfriend or wife? You may be sitting there, wondering what the heck happened.
It appears that 75% of marriages or relationships are ended by the woman, so this is likely your situation.
In any case, you may now be feverishly scheming and planning, with the goal of saving my relationship.
What am I supposed to do now, you desperately ask yourself.
Good question.
An excellent place to start is to take some time to think and relax.
Do not call, email or text your ex, at least for now.
Instead, relax and reflect.
Think of what actually went on in the relationship, and why it ended.
You may soon see that perhaps you should have treated your partner better, or paid more attention to her.
Or you should not have cheated, or abused her.
Maybe you should have done that one thing that you knew she liked, and wanted.
This is real progress on your part.
You are beginning to see why things fell apart.
Now I am not saying it was all your fault.
Far from it.
In any relationship breakup, there is usually enough blame of one kind or another, for both parties.
It is also worth remembering, however, that assigning blame is not a very useful thing to do, so do not think you should have blamed your ex for this or that.
Instead, if you saw a problem, maybe you should have found a way to talk about it or deal with it.
If you do not work on and resolve major difficulties in your relationship, they have a nasty habit of festering and growing, and getting worse.
Then they are even harder to handle, and wrestle to the ground.
Now having said all that, I do realize that you are in emotional pain at the moment, and may well be dealing with a broken heart.
Men in general, show this pain less than women, but it is just as real to both.
Women will deal with saving my relationship by talking, meeting with their girlfriends, or pouring out their feelings in a letter or diary.
Men are expected to be tougher, more stoic, and to mostly hide their emotions.
Men often do indeed live up to these expectations, and bottle everything up inside (until it explodes, but that is another story).
One way to let it all out is with this - should have - exercise we are doing.
You can even do it with your best buddy or pal, over a cold beer.
Nevertheless, do not carry this thing too, too far.
A relationship has to be reasonably well-balanced and equal.
There is a limit to what you should have or could have done.
Saving my relationship is a great goal for you, but not at any price.
Maybe circumstances were against you.
If you had just lost your job, for example, it was no doubt hard to be a perfect husband at that point.
Your mate is the one who should have cut you some slack.
I was once told by my then-girlfriend that the secret to a successful relationship is for the two parties never to be angry, depressed or crazy at the same time.
There is a great deal of wisdom in that.
Take a week or two (or however long seems right to you) to do this - should have - exercise.
You may even honestly conclude that most of the blame for the breakup lies with your ex.
Fine.
In that case, maybe the relationship is not worth saving.
Maybe you should just let it go, move on, and eventually find someone new.
This is a big decision you will have to make soon.
Do not rush into it.
After a few weeks apart, when you are done with your initial thinking and reflecting, contact your ex.
Meet for coffee, and sound him/her out.
You will quickly get a feel for where you should go from there.
Many relationships are worth saving, and in fact most CAN be saved.
Your heart, working together with your head, will soon tell you what you should do next.