There are people, who in their relationships with others, like to control the other person.
These relationships are usually adult couples who may, or may not, be married.
They can also be parents looking after their children or other members of their family.
Sometimes this control is done is a way which hides their actions.
It can take years before the victim is completely aware of how much of their life is enclosed by the wishes of another.
Often the controlling person uses the drive to control in apparent care for their partner.
They say they are looking after the welfare of the partner or family member.
This way, who the victim has contact with, whether they are considered by the controller to be suitable people, where the victim goes, is it a safe and suitable place, and what they are allowed to do, is it appropriate, is monitored by the controller.
The victim thinks at first that the controller is being a caring, loving person.
It can take time to learn they are not.
Controllers want things done in certain ways; whether it is how a dish is cooked, how the house is maintained, who the person has contact with or innumerable small events which have to be done as the controller wants them done.
The excuse given is that there is a right way and a wrong way to do everything.
The right way is how the controller wants it done.
The penalties for not complying are withdrawal of affection, denigrating language and put downs which undermine the will, confidence and abilities of the victim.
The longer this goes on the less chance the victim has to escape from the relationship.
Controllers are bullies.
The controllers monitor what the partner does and comments on whether they think this is appropriate or not.
They check on conversations with the opposite sex to ensure there is no unfaithfulness.
Details of the victims lives are ordered by what the controller thinks the person should do.
Individuals who like to control can be male or female.
It is as much about their insecurities and even more about their lack of imagination and experience about what love is.
Real love lets the partner free to follow their own life, confident that they will come back.
Controllers have narrow minds, and little imagination, which cannot see that someone else has other needs, skills and an approach to life which is different from their own.
They are unable to visualize that someone else is other.
Their need to exert their influence on others is so overwhelming they are blind to anything but their wishes.
All this is done with in the name of caring and love.
Controlling relationships are destructive.
They undermine one partner and remove the creativity and spontaneity of that person.
They create limits on society because they limit it's members.
Controlling relationships are difficult for the people inside them to spot.
Outsiders may be deluded into thinking it is a close relationship rather than the prison it is.