George Carlin never understood why women obsessed over the appearance of certain parts of their anatomy, their eyebrows, for example.
From a man's perspective, he said, "You've got two of them? Okay, we're done.
" Which is similar to the reaction we used to get from our parents and grandparents when we would complain about our cushy jobs.
New age concepts like "fulfillment, meaningful work, creative expression, blah, blah, blah", never resonated with these survivors of the depression era.
"You get a steady paycheck? They like you, plan on keeping you? Terrific! What else is there?" Well, as this recession teaches us, not much.
The frightening economic environment has, almost overnight, rendered grousing about our jobs as irrelevant and "yesterday" as the long expensive business lunches we used to spend engaged in this game.
The same holds true of the highly developed sense of entitlement that was required to play competitively at the sport.
Shell-shocked and frantically dodging torrents of pink slips showering down from above, those of us still employed have come around full circle to the views of our wise elders - it's just a job and we're damn lucky to have it.
It's really a shame though.
You see, now that we're sincerely grateful to our employers for keeping us on during these tough times, we just don't have the heart to whine any more - the thrill is gone.
Gratitude is such a buzz kill.
Now instead of intimate whispered sessions behind closed doors and leisurely meals charged to the company, we've taken to brown-bagging it, spending the lunch hour and the rest of the day hunkered down at our desks staring deeply and intently at our computer screens, trying to look convincingly indispensable while engaged in selling our belongings on eBay or writing frivolous articles like this one.
* And complaining about a job is very risky business these days.
Anyone considered to have an attitude problem might as well emblazon the proverbial scarlet "A" on his forehead - a bulls eye for any manager looking around to reduce headcount.
* A recent New York Times article explored the various creative ways employees have figured out to make themselves appear busy.
The ploys used range from giving telemarketers their office phone numbers to the use of oscillating fans to make sure the lights in their offices don't get shut off by motion detectors.
The effect of all of this is that, just like smoking has been banned from the workplace, offices have effectively become "grouse-free" zones.
And like smoking, commiserating with our colleagues is a tough habit to kick.
But in my view this is an addiction employers should not be too quick to discourage.
In fact, I believe the corporate benefits of bitching and moaning have been vastly underrated.
After all, now that the really fun corporate boondoggles have been eliminated (I miss my plane, don't you?), whining is one of the few perks left to employees, and it's absolutely free! No capital investment or overhead allocation required.
And most important, the mutual ego stroking that occurs when the game is properly played is as important to an employee's morale as bonuses are to his wallet.
You see if we look back to those halcyon pre-recession days of whine and roses, it seems clear that by almost any objective standards our bosses probably appreciated us sufficiently and compensated us fairly.
We probably did have jobs that were challenging enough, offices that were big enough, titles that were important enough.
(Some of us even still have them.
) But that really never was the point, was it.
Career commiseration served a very different purpose, which was to mutually nurture and reinforce the feeling, the delusion if you will, that no matter how good things were, we were each intended for something even better and, with a bit of work and a bit of luck, we would ascend to that something even better which, of course, would not be better enough.
To be pleased and satisfied with our lot would have been to acknowledge that our jobs accurately reflected the limitations of what we had to offer in the way of ability and skill, that we had, in a word, "peaked".
In that case, all that would have been left to us was the despair of career stagnation.
Naturally, we preferred the feelings of hope and optimism and the determination to succeed which typically followed a good, long, friendly whine with our co-workers.
Take that outlet away and you could end up with a bunch of grateful, but uninspired, hangers-on who will loaf around keeping a low profile until their 401(k)s recover, and then up and quit.
Does any company really want a team of employees who believe their jobs are about as good as they can get and better than they deserve? It's easy to see that there is but a tissue thin line between job satisfaction and career complacency, and once that virus spreads the payroll becomes populated with sloths and slugs.
Not exactly the "Yes we can!" mentality Obama had in mind.
But there is a better path to follow for companies willing to eschew conventional wisdom and actively cultivate a healthy sense of dissatisfaction among their employees.
If yours is a forward-thinking organization you will not leave your people standing outside, metaphorically, a minimum of ten feet away from the entrance, whining away to each other huddled in clouds of guilt and shame.
Why not embrace the need? Consider establishing grousing-only lounges where those so inclined can kick back and whimper, bleat and bellyache to their hearts content, and Friday afternoon Whine and Cheese parties too.
Maybe sponsor tee-shirt contests with prizes for the best slogan ("The time is ripe to gripe", "To whine is divine"...
) or inter-office commiseration competitions.
I guarantee these programs will be more effective (and a whole lot more enjoyable) than any team building exercise HR could put together, and no fancy consultants or expensive retreats required either.
I'm guessing it won't be long before your company will be listed among the nation's top ten best places to work.
Now I've seen the poster on Despair.
com that advises, "The best solution to a morale problem is to fire all the unhappy people.
" But I say those whiners are corporate America's future senior executives.
Ever since Thomas Paine wrote his best seller "Common Sense" we've been a nation of complainers and grumblers.
Our country was founded on that sentiment.
It's hard-wired into our psyche, providing the restless energy and drive that keeps us striving for something better - the very force that makes us great.
So you CEOs out there, don't hesitate to build on this cherished national tradition.
If you really want to build the strength and morale of your company you'll tell the HR department to start printing those tee shirts.
Point taken? Okay, let's go have a nice, long lunch.
Alisa Singer © 2009