Whenever we feel overwhelmed by our feelings or that we are ready to explode, our tendency is to push those emotions down in the hope that they will go away.
Even though our history shows us these emotions can't be contained indefinitely, we hold back for fear of upsetting others or from fear of negative consequences.
Then surprise, surprise, those feelings come back to be expressed - usually at the worst possible time and in the worst possible way.
Feelings that we perceive as negative or inappropriate are coming up to be healed and will not be ignored so we may as well address them in a manageable and healthy way.
it may be necessary to do a process to release these 'negative' feelings and I've listed some below: 1.
Find a quiet space and give yourself a time limit to really feel the negative feeling - perhaps 10 minutes.
Really allow that feeling to peak and express itself.
It will reach a peak and once it has then literally allow yourself to drop the feeling.
To step out of it.
Thank it for what it has taught you and get back in the driver seat.
Take ownership of your emotions and decide you are now going to focus on feeling better.
Because you have given the feeling expression you will actually find it easier to focus on better feeling thoughts.
2.
Identify the negative feeling and recall the first time you felt it.
For example if it's a feeling of being criticised or judged, remember the first time you felt that way.
Your subconscious mind will come up with a memory easily so let it.
Go back to that time (usually a time in your childhood between the ages of 0 and 7) and see what the situation was.
What were you wearing? Who was there? What were they saying to you? As you experience this begin to talk to that child and tell it what it needs to hear.
Give that child some positive feedback and let them know you will not allow that situation to arise again.
Let them know you are in control and you have their best interests at heart.
Come back to the present and see how you feel about being criticised now.
Does it have the same intensity? Can you feel a shift? If not repeat the process a couple more times.
(This is a great process to do with a trusted friend.
) 3.
Write out your negative feelings.
Let yourself really express them.
Do not hold back anything.
No one is going to see what you write so give yourself permission to say exactly what you want to say with no judgement.
You will know when you have said everything you need to say because your hand will stop writing.
Once you have finished have a ritual to release these feelings once and for all, either burn the piece of paper or bury it in the garden or shred it and take it down to the sea.
Whatever feels right for you.
You will feel a sense of release and relief and you will find it easier to get back into a better feeling place.
You need to make a commitment to yourself to let go of your negative feelings.
If you feel traumatised then of course seek help from a therapist or counsellor as needed, but if you truly feel ready to release the emotion or if it's something that's just a general anxiety, stress or anger, then the above processes will help you to move forward in positive ways.
Remember you are powerful.
You write the script of your life and you can change it any time you choose.
Focus on creating support networks and good friendships to help you get through the tough times but most of all focus on the wonderful and glorious human being that you are and give yourself permission to express that.
If You feel you'd benefit from further support or coaching then please follow the links at the end of this article.
I really look forward to hearing from you.
(c) Yve Bowen 2009-2010