Do you shy away from conflict and confrontation? Would you go out of your way to avoid these things all together? Does it sometimes seem like your emotions move out of your control when you are faced with conflict or confrontation? You are not alone.
Most people in the world dislike conflict.
Yes, most people.
How do I know this? Because I don't know one single person who likes it.
Not one.
I know a lot of people who can handle it better than others, but not one person who actually can say "I like conflict".
How is that for normalising something that most people really dislike, and the majority of people will run away from.
Over the past few weeks I have been working with a number of clients who brought to me a presenting issue of not liking conflict.
Whenever I find this happening, more than 3 or 4 people presenting in a short amount of time with the same type of thing, I stand up and take notice.
It gives me an opportunity to learn, grow and share what I find out.
Today, my intention of this post is to share with you the strategy that I have found for people who face conflict versus run away from it.
Notice I didn't say "people who like conflict", again, I haven't found a person like that.
What I have noticed is the make-up of running away from conflict and confrontation include most of the following:

• They personalisation of the conflict (associated)
• They have need to be liked
• They are prone to a Feeling type Meta Program
• They have a history (pattern) of this behaviour
• They have a fear of failure
• They think about how bad it will feel to be in the midst of conflict or confrontation

Now, not all people who dislike conflict will display all of the above - this is just what I have found since I've really been investigating this.
When I find patterns like this arise within my clients I often ask other clients, who do not present to me about issues of conflict, about how they deal with conflict.
Time and time again I have found that when people are OK with conflict they exhibit the following ingredients that make-up their acceptance of conflict and confrontation:

• They see conflict as a natural part of life
• They see conflict as just a part of interaction and communication
• They do not take conflict personally (dissociated)
• They are often prone to a Thinker type Meta Program
• They know they will feel better when the conflict/confrontation is over

Something that was absolutely similar in both is that they DO feel better when the conflict or confrontation is complete.
Think about this - if you have something that needs to be addressed, not saying something isn't helping.
Really, confrontation and conflict is simply just a part of communication - being able to express oneself is important.
One lady that I have worked with has swallowed so much of what she wanted to say because she was so fearful of conflict that she lost her gall bladder due to an ulcer.
Holding things in, especially due to a fear of "what might happen" is a huge element that adds so much to stress, overwhelm, disease and illness.
If you happen to be one of the many people who shy away from conflict - what would happen if you changed the definition you have of conflict to one that defines it as: Conflict/Confrontation (adj): a part of communication which illustrates where improvement can be made.
Not meant to be taken personally.
A learning and instructive tool for personal and professional enhancement.