Do you find yourself emotionally confused this time of year? You want to be closer to people you love, you want to experience peace and joy and yet it seems so stressful and hard.
You think about those you miss and grieve for and those who have let you down.
You may look forward to family gatherings and yet feel anxiety about them.
You want to slow down but there is so much to do.
I want to offer you a couple of ways to shift your perspective and take charge of your holiday experiences.
1.
Think like an anthropologist.
This is especially helpful if you have to deal with family dysfunction or you end up feeling like a frustrated kid at family gatherings.
An anthropologist goes into a group or community and becomes a part of them and at the same time observes, studies, and learns about them.
He or she is present and connected but never loses objectivity.
For you it may work like this: a.
Watch how people interact.
See the familiar roles people take on.
Look for the patterns of interaction.
How much is absolutely predictable? b.
Observe yourself.
How do you feel? What role do you fall into? Can you see your attitude or reactions change? c.
Don't judge people or the experience you feel.
Simply make notes and let it be.
d.
If you stay objective you can choose your responses.
Don't put pressure on yourself to perform but realize you are in control of yourself and yourself only.
2.
Love relentlessly.
You may find yourself reaching out to one you love hoping for a deeper connection and are disappointed by the response.
Your natural reaction is to defend yourself by either lashing out or pulling away.
Love, however, respond differently.
Love steps into the disappointment and honestly engages, sharing its heart's desire and the impact of the other's hurtful behavior.
Love does not try to control outcomes but is clear about its hopes and expectations.
To love relentlessly may sound something like this for you: a.
I really want to feel more connected to you.
b.
When you push me away I feel hurt, lonely...
c.
This is what I hope for from you..
..
d.
I've noticed how hard you are working and I want you to know how much I appreciate you.
e.
I was unkind to you yesterday and I am sorry.
f.
What can we do to work on this? 3.
Be kind to yourself.
You will not be perfect and yes you may feel overwhelmed and inadequate.
It's OK.
See yourself with compassion and forgive yourself.
Take some time to breath, reflect, and feel what you feel.
When you start to feel more in control of yourself you can relax a bit more.
Take time to allow Divine Love to comfort you and give you inner strength.
When you feel better you will be much more able to spread the love, hope, joy, and peace that the holiday season represents.