Ever since I was a little boy, I've been reminded of the phrase: "patience is a virtue.
" I still have no idea who coined the phrase, but they were spot on.
It's one of those concepts that's simple, but not easy.
Tom Petty says it best, "The waiting is the hardest part.
" So, what does patience have to do with divorce? Well, ah, Everything.
If the concept of divorce is in the anger, threat, "I'm mad, but not serious," stage;patience is a vital tool.
It allows you to walk through your challenges, address issues and look for solutions.
If you're patient, it could enable you to reconcile.
If, however, the proceedings have started, you better believe a lack of patience will devastate you.
Talking to an attorney, talking to your wife, talking to anyone when you are not calm, puts you at risk.
You can say things out of haste that will haunt you in the courtroom and beyond.
And believe me, if there is anything she can use against you, she will.
Shakespeare said it best, "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
" Like I said, patience is not easy, but it's a vital for your survival.
We men like to fix things.
Take action.
Don't wait for the dust to settle, create the dust, stir things up.
These are all great attributes, and have enabled men to conquer fear, achieve dreams and build empires.
But there is a time and a place for everything.
And, if you have kids (chances are you do since the title of this article is Divorced Dads ...
) the time to act is after the divorce is final.
Be the dad you've always wanted to be, the one that you kept on the shelf because it might make her angry, uncomfortable, or scared.
Just be you, love your children, with a genuine love; with enthusiasm.
Show them the real you.
They're kids, and that means they're perceptive.
They will quickly recognize the real you.
They will see her anger, and decide they'd rather be with your love than with her threats.
But if you lose composure, if you become impatient, they lose, and so do you.
Heck, for that matter, let her have the house, the car, the furniture.
All of that can be recovered over time.
Be patient.
Let her get riled up.
Let her make the threats.
The kids will remember that, and possibly the neighbors.
Let anger do what anger does best: fester.
It grows like a cancer.
It will drive her, comfort and console her.
It will motivate and guide her.
It will force her charming persona to be revealed for what it is, and offer you the chance no lawyer or court would provide: real redemption.