Just When You Thought It Was Safe, Blood's In The Water

by Michael D. Hume

Here are the facts. First, a guy was bitten (badly) by a shark in Florida a few days ago. He's in a hospital there, recovering from severe wounds to his left leg. And PETA, the "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals," have been thwarted in their efforts to put up a billboard near that hospital which depicts a shark gnawing on what appears to be a severed (left) human leg, and which contains the caption "Payback is Hell... go Vegan."

Now, you can draw your own conclusions, but if you're like me (and I know I am), you see a definite and vast right-wing conspiracy in all this. It goes beyond "shock marketing" to something new: "shark mock-eting." How dare they mock a poor injured surfer?

PETA is a far-left group, or so we've all thought all along. But the national media will tell you that only one segment of society is capable of the sort of insensitivity and, well, downright meanness this billboard fiasco represents.

That's right. Somehow, this is all the dang Tea Party's fault!

Hey, wait a minute! As a matter of fact, "PETA" is clearly an anagram for "TEA P!" So we're forced to conclude, based on a preponderance of the evidence here, that the Tea Party is filled with anti-surfing, anti-shark-victim, anti-decency zealots. A reasonable person could reach no other conclusion.

I always thought tea partiers were just your average American folk, concerned about our Constitutional republic, and might even be (in many cases) meat eaters. How wrong I must've been! We must now add "militant vegan" to the list of labels the national media have been kind enough to assign the Tea Party, along with "racist," "elitist," "millionaires and billionaires," and "war mongers." I mean, really... if PETA were really a liberal group, they'd be all huggie and kumbayah, right? Not mean. If you don't believe it, just watch the network news. Liberals are lovey. Conservatives - and especially the Tea Party - are all just jam-packed with hate.

The media reported (unencumbered by the need for factual evidence) that Tea Party racists spit on a black Congressman and yelled racial epithets at him when he was basking in the glow of the recently-passed Obamacare legislation. A right-wing hate-mongering journalist offered one million (with a mill) dollars to anyone who could supply a single shred of evidence that this actually happened, and despite approximately a bazillion cell-phone-cameras capturing every crease in every suit of every Congress member present, no one ever claimed the prize.

Hmm. But that doesn't prove it didn't happen, of course! So the media ran with it, for weeks and months, just because it makes so darn much sense that anyone who isn't a liberal is a racist... and therefore the Tea Party must be just loaded with 'em!

I think someone in the mainstream media (possibly George Soros) should offer a million-dollar prize if anyone can catch tea partiers eating meat. That'll expose their hypocrisy, by golly!

The bottom line is this: the Tea Party is a major threat to our increasingly-socialist way of life. Left unchecked, they'd have us go back to the failed policies of the past, under which people got away with insane capers like starting a business, building wealth, or even furnishing others with private employment. Say it isn't so! We must not go back! We must always, always lean forward!

Our Demediacrat masters have so decreed.