A culture of fear seems to have developed in which we shelter and protect our teens rather than sending them out to experience, confront, build skills and become stronger.
In a sense, if parents don't have high, yet realistic expectations of teens, and not just academically, those kids may not be able to realize big dreams or perhaps even feel permission to have big dreams.
In some ways, the average American teenager has a very proscribed life, defined by very limited parameters.
They go to school, do homework, hang out with friends, work at part time jobs, etc.
And this is not necessarily negative, but it doesn't always allow them scope for growing in ways that could be significant and life changing.
Often their lives are predictable and mundane.
Not so for 16-year old Abby Sunderland.
In her book Unsinkable, Abby describes her voyage to become the youngest person to complete a solo sailing circumnavigation of the globe.
Many people criticized her parents for allowing her to do something so extreme at her young age.
But her parents knew she was experienced enough to complete such a trip, and so decided to take the chance and see how their daughter might grow.
This voyage raised many questions about the readiness or experience of kids this young to take on such dangerous expeditions and the sanity of parents that would allow them to do so.
The Sunderlands, a long-time sailing family, defended their decision to allow Abby to sail, saying they had complete confidence in her ability and readiness to undertake the task.
After all, her teen brother had undertaken the same journey successfully only a year previously, and 16-year old Jessica Watson of Australia had also successfully done the same.
Here's what's interesting: Both parents and children eschewed the traditional teen way of life and instead dreamed larger dreams.
Their approach to life was nontraditional and therefore allowed for opportunities such as this.
This is somewhat of an extreme example, but the principle still stands.
Teens and young people need experiences that will stretch them, make them grow and give them wider horizons, so to speak.
Most people long for some sort of change or adventure in their life.
They wish for the chance to prove themselves doing something that is worth the risk, doing something that counts for themselves and for others as well.
This is no less true for teens and young people, who perhaps feel the desire even more acutely because they are always trying to measure up to adult standards.
For many teens, life can be flat and unexciting.
They have all the desires and dreams and many of the abilities of adults and yet are often denied opportunities for outlets of those dreams.
Here are some suggestions for thinking about a more nontraditional way of life for your teen.
- Listen to their ideas or dreams.
See how you can help them venture out to explore those dreams. - Don't force them into anything they don't want to do because this will be counterproductive.
If they don't have inclinations this way, ask them why.
Don't be afraid to make suggestions for things they might enjoy trying.
More than likely, they will let you know what they want to do. - For parents, it's a question of balance and calculation.
An unwillingness to put their kids into dangerous situations, but also a willingness to allow them to take a carefully calculated risk, and try something big.
Because it's during the times when people take risks that the most potential for growth exists, but for failure also.
But to fail spectacularly can even be a source of growth. - Rethink the sort of lifestyles your kids are a part of; watching television, playing computer games, listening to music, iPods, texting, staring at phones, etc.
Give them bigger horizons to look toward.
This may mean thinking outside the box and being willing to not simply live the status quo. - Think about signing your teens up for adventure or leadership opportunities or for working on a ranch or a sailboat for a summer.
It may be just what they need: an adventure of sorts, a chance to prove themselves, a chance to grow in surroundings that are inspiring or with people that are inspiring. - Most of the time teens are far more capable than we think.
And they can be very responsible, if they are given legitimate responsibility that they can actually own.
When others place trust in them, they will usually be quick to be show that they can be trusted. - Involve them in activities or decisions that will give them responsibility or a sense of accomplishment.
Have high expectations, but then help them to meet those expectations. - Look into interesting local volunteer programs.
If your teen has an aptitude for sailing, art, horseback riding, sports, or whatever, seek out opportunities that will give them a chance to grow and excel.
Think about internships.