Empathy deficit disorder.
It's a new and alarming illness is afflicting Americans, and it is harming both individuals and society as a whole.
How can we spot it, and what corrective action can we take to eliminate it from our interpersonal relationships? Douglas LaBier, a Washington-area therapist, offers a few examples of empathy-deficient people from his private practice.
One is a husband deaf to his wife's complaints.
Another is a technocrat indifferent to the long-term effects of global warming.
A third is a financier content to dismiss the entire American Muslim community as "all terrorists anyway.
" People suffering from such blind-sidedness are unable to listen.
According to LaBier, they fail to recognize that "we're all one, bound together.
"Conversely, when we develop empathy, he tells us, we "can deepen [our] understanding and acceptance of how and why people do what they do and [we] can build respect for others.
" LaBier is right, I believe, but there's more.
Empathy, by allowing us to bridge two disparate states of mind or states of being (ours and someone else's), lets us transcend ourselves.
It gives us our best shot at escaping existential loneliness, so that we feel we belong in a world with others.
Just consider these polar extremes: Telling vs.
listening.
When I insist on my version of events, disregarding yours, I cut myself off from discovering things you and I have in common.
Listening gives me the chance to learn from (and about) you; if I ignore you, you may become angry and resentful.
Knowing vs.
understanding.
When I claim that my truth alone is right and dismiss your truth as incorrect because it is different, I am saying that my point of view is superior to yours-that I am better than you.
You probably will not like this idea.
Instead I could admit the possibility of two coexisting truths.
Judgmental vs.
accepting.
You and I are peers.
As long as I use law, brute force, or some other means to control you-unless we agree on the terms-I am declaring you deficient for being unlike me.
(When you and I feel differently about things, aren't both feeling states necessarily within the spectrum of human potential?After all, both of us are human.
) Reactive vs.
adaptive.
If I insist that my knowledge alone is correct, I will need to defend myself constantly against potentially threatening ideas from people who disagree.
By incorporating their viewpoints into my own, on the other hand, I might improve my own chances of surviving and prospering in the world of others.
Individualist vs.
globalist.
The never-ending effort to guard my turf against assaults, literal and figurative, may cause me to overlook global developments both positive and negative.
I lose an opportunity to create win-win scenarios.
And yet cooperation is essential in today's world.
Isolationist vs.
communitarian.
When I fence myself in and stay focused on the narrowest possible definition of my situation, I forfeit the support of other people like me.
I also miss the chance to reach out to isolated individuals who want to join the community and who can make valuable contributions.
Short term vs.
long term.
As long as I am self-absorbed and oblivious to the larger environment, I miss the opportunity to view myself and my endeavors in the context not just of my own life span but also of posterity.
Empathy orients us temporally, locally, emotionally, and spiritually.
It grounds us and lets us know we belong.
It nourishes the value system by which we guide our lives individually and collectively.
It allows us to accept and accommodate ourselves and others, promoting tolerance and acknowledging everyone's right to a place at the world table.
It gives us the basis for educating future citizens about global awareness.
Perhaps most important, in this age of terror, it enables us to create security for ourselves as we ensure the community's responsiveness to everyone's needs.
Douglas LaBier, Director of the Center for Adult Development in Washington, D.
C.
, is quoted from "Empathy: Could It Be What You're Missing?" Washington Post, December 25, 2007.