Divorce is always uncomfortable, particularly when you have been friends with both people who were once a couple. Even if you want to maintain a friendship with both of them, it may be difficult if the split isn't amicable. As soon as possible, tell them you wish them both well, and you want to stay out of the fray.

When You Must Decide Who to Keep as a Friend

There are times when you must decide which of the people you'll be closer to.

This decision can't be taken lightly or done hastily. Take some time to think about what to do before you come to a conclusion.
Factors in your decision:

• Who have you known longer?
• Who are you more comfortable around?
• Who do you trust more?
• Is one of them leaving for someone else who can change the dynamic in your relationship?

What to Say and Do

After the couple splits, be extra careful to keep your opinions to yourself, unless you can truly help the person with a court case or custody battle. The last thing you want to do is relay gossip or slander the one who isn't there.

The best thing to do when a friend goes through a divorce is to be there for her, listen to her without interjecting comments, and accepting the fact that she's not at her best. Even if you don't agree with your friend's decision to divorce, it's not your place to say anything. After all, you weren't with the couple, so there are likely things you don't know. Some of the things she may have kept hidden from friends will probably come out now.

You can expect your friend to go through some very intense sadness and grief. Consider doing a little something extra to cheer her up but don't try too hard, or you'll be more annoying than helpful. A small act of kindness from a friend may be all she needs to get through a difficult day.

When You Disagree

Your divorcing friend may do something you don't approve of. She may splurge and spend an entire paycheck on a new outfit that makes her feel pretty. She might go on a vacation that she can't afford. Or she might start dating before you think she's ready.

Again, keep your opinion to yourself. Her actions may be the only way she can feel complete again. Remember that everyone has a different method of healing. Later, after everything has settled, don't remind your friend of any embarrassing moments. Move forward and try your best not to look back at these difficult times.