Remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Weren't they great? In the 80's, they were just about everything to me.
Them and Nintendo.
Oh yeah! They defined my young life.
So it was no surprise when I was about 8 years old that I actually wanted to be a Ninja Turtle more than anything else in the world.
Other kids wanted to be a fireman, policeman, professional wrestler, cowboy, Indian, etc.
, not me, I just wanted to be a Ninja Turtle.
Unlike other prospective professions, there was no real preparation anyone could give me to be a Ninja Turtle.
Often, I recall, I was discouraged from attempting this particular career path.
These people, "unthinkers" I call them now, would often cite reality as a major reason this cannot be done.
I didn't listen, and watched the cartoons carefully to see how the Ninja Turtles became who they were.
Finally, my wish was granted.
In piecing together what I could from the disjointed cartoon and the comic book, I learned that toxic ooze was the reason the Ninja Turtles came to be.
Toxic ooze? No problem for an 8 year old! I knew that I had to ingest this substance to become a Ninja Turtle.
I didn't know it was dangerous.
I simply thought that, whatever its original purpose is, a side effect like making mutant turtles is pretty awesome.
So, the quest began.
I started carefully inspecting various food items to see what was the same color as the toxic ooze-neon green.
Though, I realized fairly quickly that I couldn't find any foods that had this particular color.
Frustration set in, and, in a last ditch effort, I approached my mother, who was well aware of my quest.
I asked her to get me any kind of neon green food or drink she could, telling her it was for "research" but she knew.
Mothers always know.
She played along, and got me some green jello.
I ate it, and immediately (the power of the mind at work) felt its effects.
Certain I could take on the world and wondering when my shell would appear, I went around the house, saying my goodbyes to my family because after all, a Ninja Turtle has to live in the sewer.
I settled on one more night at home, for old times' sake.
The next day at school, I donned my Ninja Turtle Halloween costume, which many thought was odd, seeing as how it was April.
I would have also packed some things in my backpack, but figured I'd meet up with the other Ninja Turtles in the sewer, and they'd take care of me and train me.
Plus, I didn't know what, besides pizza, a Ninja Turtle ate.
Looking back, my ultimate downfall was the plastic nunchuks that came with the costume.
Some kid started hassling me about wearing my Ninja Turtle costume, so I smacked him in the head with my nunchuks.
Of course I was sent to the principal's office.
I explained the situation to him and he contacted my mother.
End of my Ninja Turtle days.
The kicker is that my mom admitted that she had perpetuated this fantasy with me and the principal really frowned on that.
Sorry Mom!