Dear Cassandra,

I’m a senior in high school and it’s my last year to be able to go to a school dance. I have never been to a school dance. My dad has always said that he’s afraid there will be underage drinking there, and he doesn’t want me to go out with a boy alone. I’m so frustrated because a) I don’t even drink and neither do my friends and b) I don’t even have to go to prom with a boy. I could just go with my group of friends. I’ve talked to my mom about it and she agrees with me, but she is afraid to stand up to my dad. I just want him to understand that it’s the only time in my life I’ll be able to do this, I have always wanted to go to a school dance, and nothing bad will happen! I am going to college next year and I just want to have a memory of one good school dance. Is there anything I can do that will change his mind?

Natalie

Dear Natalie,

Girl, I feel your pain. I had strict parents too, and it was so frustrating at times. I can totally relate to wanting to do something, being mature enough to handle it, and having your parents shoot you down. Take a deep breath and let’s try to work this out.

First of all, I think you need to have a talk with your mom about this again. Tell her exactly what you told me: 1. That even if there’s alcohol there, you won’t drink any because you don’t drink and are not interested in drinking. 2. You don’t want to go with a date, you want to go with your friends. And then name your friends that they know and like to reassure her that you will be among good company. Then, you need to ask her if she’ll sit down with you and your dad so you can discuss this all together.

It’s kind of like an intervention, but your dad will know that it’s coming. Ask him to reserve a time to talk to you and your mom, perhaps after dinner or on the weekend at a time when you know everyone is going to be home and not distracted.

Then, once you’re all seated, calmly tell him how you feel. Try not to cry or get overly emotional, and don’t yell or scream. Just explain to him that he has raised you well, you are a good decision maker, and that you will stay away from any alcohol. Explain to him that you’re not interested in any of the guys at school and won’t even be taking one as a date. Remind him about your awesome, responsible friends, and if he hasn’t met some of them, tell him that you’ll invite them over so he can meet them. Hopefully he will listen and change his mind.

But, there’s a chance that he will be stubborn and refuse to change his mind. If that’s the case, maybe you can have a special sleepover or party with your friends on the same night or during the same weekend. That way you’ll be doing something to celebrate your final year of school.

Also, you mentioned that next year you’ll be in college. Almost every college has a school dance, and a lot of sororities and fraternities do, too. So, while it may be your last chance to experience a high school dance, you’ll still have a chance at going to a college one. Don’t give up hope!

Good luck!

Cassandra