When I was a little fellow, in 1936, you did not hear all of the whoop-law about cleansing your colon.
We as a people back then never paid much attention to our colon since we didn't know where it was.
We did, however, worry about constipation.
I worried about it until I was a nervous wreck.
You would have to have been there to participate in the worry and pain that constipation caused.
The first worry was having to drink "Black Draught" tea.
Black Draught tea was the most God-Awful tasting concoction known to man.
One cup was never enough according to my Mother's standards.
I had to drink the stuff every hour until, as my Mother would say, I "loosened up".
I knew I wasn't going to loosen up, because unbeknownst to my Mother, I had not had a bowel movement since Labor Day, and that was two months ago.
Now, my Mother would not have bought or used a cleanse program like we have today.
No sir, her Mother had made over one thousand gallons of Black Draught tea in her lifetime and my Mother was well on her way to equaling that record.
When Black Draught tea failed, we didn't give up.
I had other tortures to endure.
When my Mother saw that I could not perform, using the vile tasting tea, we moved into Stage Two, or as I later called it, the Anti-Rust Stage.
There was never a chance of my innards rusting because I had been drowned in Castor Oil.
After all bearings were running free, all rust parts rejuvenated, my skin shined like a new nickel.
After I had strained to the point of blacking out in futile attempts to end the torture, I lied and said I had done the deed and all was right again.
That story fooled no one.
I threw myself on the mercy of the court and cried and begged the Judge of Movements to try the Castor Oil again.
My plea fell on deaf ears.
We had reached the end and I was now to be the victim of the "red rubber tube".
It wasn't long until there she stood, arms crossed and clutching a red rubber hot water bottle and a red rubber hose.
Fitted to the end of the hose was a black dingus that would soon be aimed at my most delicate aperture.
After the screaming and begging had subsided, I did, I must admit, find myself in a state of euphoria.
I don't know for sure whether it was the raging river of hot water that had coursed its way through my innards and relieved my body of unwelcomed debris, or the mere fact that it was over for another couple of months.
Water boarding would never have occurred to Dick Cheny had he know of the "red rubber hose".
So, as I have plodded my way through life, wary of things made of red rubber, I have found that there are milder ways to accomplish an internal cleanse.
Natural products of various herbs are good.
I recommend you find one and not only eliminate the gunk that has collected in your colon.
That gunk weights more than you thought and you will enjoy a nice reduction in your weight.