Robert Frost wrote about "Good fences makes good neighbors" in his classic poem,"Mending Fences".
Through the years, the connotation of fences, separations, and boundaries are negative to keep others away.
They are to live an isolated life away from anyone.
That is a huge misconception.
Boundaries are healthy for relationships to flourish and prosper.
The book,"Boundaries: When To Say Yes, When To Say No, To Take Control of Your Life", discusses and illustrates what proper boundaries can do to make your life and relationships a positive experience.
Most people live their lives controlled by others and external forces that they cannot control.
It becomes a habit and soon they live "a life of quiet desperation".
They feel taken advantaged of.
They feel neglected.
They feel powerless and meaningless.
How did this came to be? It is common to drift into life and follow other people's decisions and dictations.
The other people may do so innocently.
The other people are usually dear friends and fond family members.
Then, people will be afraid to say the most important and critical word in boundaries.
That word is no.
No would mean saying yes to yourself.
Saying yes to everyone and everything would mean saying no to yourself and possibly offending those other people since it may become impossible to fulfill every obligation.
This is where boundaries come in.
It is important to have boundaries so that you can give quality time for yourself and for others.
When you become an adult, the person who sets those boundaries are yourself.
If you always say yes to relatives or friends who come over with no notice, then they may violate your own family time (or at least you should have set aside some family time).
How do you get the guts and gumption to set boundaries? First, and foremost, you have to be convinced that boundaries empower you and your relationships.
The book discusses a variety of reasons on a variety of instances on the importance (or should I say- the critical importance) of boundaries.
Nations and countries need boundaries for its citizens.
They need these boundaries to create a national identity for its people and citizens.
You also need those boundaries to create and maintain your own identity and to build value on your relationships.
As you go through the stories and examples in the book, you will notice how wonderful and powerful it is to have those well-placed boundaries.
We need to develop our boundaries to become a better person with ourselves and towards others.