Home for the holidays has such a nice ring.  Big meals, warm fires, gifts, laughter and cheer all around.  That is until your young adult child invites his latest romantic interest to spend the night, dumps a load of laundry in the entryway floor or stay out all night without a word.  Home for the holidays with college kids and young adults can mean walking a very fine line.  Is it my house, my rules?

 Or is the family truce an act of negotiation one that may evolve over a decade or more? 

I am of the more laissez faire approach.  I have tried to teach my kids well, if they forget everything I have taught them about being tidy and the debris of late night snacks is strewn across my kitchen, I am inclined to let it slide.  I want our house to be their home.  I want home to feel as comfortable to them at every moment of their adulthood as it did during their growing up years.  To nag them like I might want to, I feel, might take some of that away. 

But this is just one mom’s opinion and every family is different.  So here are the wise words from mom’s with experience.
Our Home is Not a B&B...or a Hotel
 
“The biggest rule is to remind your kids that it is still your home - it has not become a "bed and breakfast" while they were away. They can't come and go as they please at all hours, no maid service is available & a hot breakfast of your choice will not be served. It's a HOME, even though they may prefer the freedom of the dorm!”  Nancy L. Wolf  

“I don't have kids that age yet, but I know my parents were big on us spending time with them as well as our friends. ‘We are not a hotel’ they kept saying.” Jen Mann  
Few Rules are Good Rules
 
“I am big on using this opportunity for what it is: a chance to come back to the relationship as two adults with new appreciation and respect for each other. It all brings us into that next chapter when we don't supervise but coach, and don't instruct but mentor. My advice: have as few "rules" as possible but pick the ones that really matter, sit down and clear the air on all of them before you have to. Let everything else go.” Susan Cook Bonifant
Call, text or send a Carrier Pigeon, But Somehow Let Us Know When You Won’t be Home
 
“My college kid is a sensible kid (he always has been) I just want him to text if he isn't coming home no matter what the hour is he decides to stay out. Call me if he needs a ride because he has been drinking and it will be lecture/judgement free.” Laura Ann Klein 

 “1) Close front door when leaving the house. 2) No borrowing our chargers - if you do, we will never see them again. 3) Text by 1am if not coming home. 4) Text by 2am if coming home with 17 kids who were all just kicked out of a friends' house.”  JD Rothman

Life Goes On
 

“Through trial and error, I let her know that I will be going about my daily business if we don't have plans together. The first few holidays, there was a sense that I would be poised by the phone "in case" she was free to have lunch, or shop or whatever.”  Lucia Paul

And Finally...
“A few things are non-negotiable: You WILL visit your grandmother. You WILL help clean up after big meals. You WILL get your dad something stupid for Christmas with your own money.” Becky Blades